Party Line II 

Due to the busybodies on party lines, no local newspaper was needed. The news was spread, like town criers did in centuries past. When in doubt, the hearer could call the victim, to make certain of facts.

No one was born, sickened, married, divorced, or died unannounced.

This spreading news had both benefits and problems. If someone had big problems, like fire, injury, accident, or some other grave problem or tragedy, someone was sure to show up to help. On the other hand, there was little privacy.

Everybody’s business was freely discussed unless they kept it secret but secrets “leaked.” Often tempers flared at garbled stories. Anger flamed, too, when anyone refused to yield the line, especially the worst phone habitué, “Lucy.”

I don’t understand how we each have private phones today — how they separate so many calls — much less cell phones. I only understand the old science lesson that explained the diaphragm vibrations and electric impulses acting on another diaphragm, somewhat akin to a kid’s tin can and string “phone” where a tight string carries voice vibrations from can to can.

I like having the privacy when I call, so my business is not broadcast to all and sundry, so anger doesn’t grow when privacy is invaded.

Finally, an angry caller got Lucy off the line crudely and rudely.

The story traveled and everyone whose calls had been held up, repeatedly, for long minutes laughed, and passed the story on. .

A U.S. Forest Service line between Minersville and Trinity Center had a work phone station installed beside the road about half way between, for the use of Forest Service personnel so they could report in.

One fellow, “John,” was known for his rough character and crudities.

One day, John brought his crew in from a fire and stopped at the phone to report. Lucy was on the phone and said, “The line’s busy.”

John waited for the line to clear, getting the same response each time, growing more and more impatient. He finally demanded, “Give me the line, I have to report in to the ranger station.”

Lucy became belligerent, “I told you before — this line is busy. Can’t you hear?”

This was too much. John snapped, “Yes, I hear, and if this line was hollow, I would (censored) in your ear!”

“Well!” Lucy shrieked, and slammed the receiver, hanging up.