When bitter ex-valentines lash out

Now that Valentine's Day is over, I will finish writing this column, hopefully without being labeled as a cold-hearted non-romantic.

While searching for a reference book on personnel management strategies, I found a page of notes I had jotted down years ago regarding a situation involving a romantic quarrel that I was dealing with as the Operations Manger.

Dealing with personnel problems in any company is complicated by the personalities of the individuals involved and as the number of individuals increases the difficulty factor increases exponentially. When matters of the heart gone wrong are added to the mix it would be easier to balance the state budget than peacefully solving the problem.

Some companies have policies regarding romantic relationships within the company and these are about as enforceable as imposing non-texting restrictions on a teenager today. It is not going to happen. When the lust bug bites two people in your organization you have as little chance of curtailing the relationship as you do of subduing a rampaging elephant with a butterfly net. If your company has a non-fraternizing policy, I hope it was written with the assistance of several professionals.

The worst-case scenario is Bill and Sally's (this remains the prevalent relationship) relationship going south in the worst possible way until it breaks out into full-blown yelling, screaming, throwing things, name calling and accusations of various sundry vile acts by both parties.

What do you do?

Sneak out the back door as fast as possible.

No. Of course, I'm kidding.

You, as the boss, have to deal with it immediately.

People love these events as it gives them something to gossip about for months, it's like seeing a live performance of Saturday Night Live.

A word of caution, do not approach the parties closer than ten feet until you have both parties full attentions to prevent physical injury to yourself. Relocate the conflict and participants to a secluded location to address the actions of the individuals.

If your company is large enough to physically separate the two participants in the relationship during the work day that is best. With small companies that is difficult to impossible. I suggest as long as there is no discord, doing nothing is best, but don't ever let your guard down or one day you will be T-boned by a runaway Mack truck.

The tendency is to solve the problem ourselves by offering amateur counseling. Chances are you can't, so don't try, and only concentrate on their behavior at work and their behavior's impact on the work site. Utilize straight forward honesty explaining their behavior is not acceptable at work, and if any form of this behavior occurs in the future it will result in one or both being disciplined or dismissed.

I don't want you to be cold hearted or abandon them, but you must remain neutral and I suggest you recommend they obtain professional assistance in resolving the stimulus for discord, but remain firm and clear regarding the parameters of behavior during working hours.

My advice is to conduct some prior planning for situations ranging from lovers quarrels to friends parting ways by attending a conflict management class, having a written script that you can refer to during the discussions, and a written policy regarding disruption of the workplace (not a non-fraternization policy) with resulting consequences.