Close study of the national and state deficit budget solutions proposed this past week has led me to believe that if these plans are put into action on a personal level, Americans can quickly borrow their way out of debt.
Government officials are simply putting into practice the tried and true methods of accounting used by many companies and corporations that rely on debt as part of an overall financing strategy. So I figure, what is good for Uncle Sam is good enough for me.
And because I don't want to have to sacrifice even a little bit of my lifestyle, I - like my mentors in state and federal legislatures - will simply borrow a bit more than I actually need to cover any unforeseen contingencies or emergency expenses that may come up while I am borrowing myself out of debt.
Just like my elected pals, I won't need to fill out any troublesome loan documents or put up anything of any worth as collateral because my many friends and relatives will surely run to my aid if I have any trouble making the loan payments. Certainly, my children and their children and all of their progeny will make good on any unpaid bills I might happen to leave behind when I check out.
After all, they are all going to be earning so much more money than I because, after all, the state and national economies will be humming along producing new jobs and employers will be able to hand out hefty bonuses and large pay raises once we all borrow enough at the personal, state and national levels to borrow our way out of debt.
Once the cash starts rolling in, I can start investing in all of the latest gadgets and gizmos being advertised because, after all, now that my pockets are full of other people's money, I am now obligated to help out the economy by purchasing lots of things that I do not need in order to keep those factories producing things.
I plan on sharing my new-found wisdom with others through a series of seminars broadcast on public television. After all, this secret to financial success is much too great a gift to simply keep to myself. It's likely to drive Suzie Orman crazy to think that she didn't come up with this idea first, I know, but that's the breaks in this dog-eat-dog world of infomercialism.
It takes big thinkers like California legislators and U.S. Congress members to think up the finer nuances of this plan, and that is the real genius of my discovery.
You see, none of us are going to be around when the bills finally come due. The bankers and Wall Street financiers will all have made so much money on these deals that they won't care what anyone else is doing as long as it doesn't cut into their golden parachutes or retirement plans. They'll just send a few more armored cars down to Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C., and ask for another serving of bail-out pie, and this time go heavy on the a-la-mode, please.
Congress and the national treasury officials will not want to upset the apple cart any more than they do now and possibly risk a global economic crisis, so they will simply speed up the printing presses and pass out stacks and stacks of Benjamin Franklins to keep up with the demand.
After all, we certainly wouldn't want to have to do anything as drastic as live within our means, pay as we go and defer our enjoyment of something until we can actually afford it.
That just isn't the American way!
No! We need instant gratification and the ability to travel and spend freely, well beyond our ability to pay, because we have great credit. At least that is what those constant mailings say each week asking me to sign up for this or that credit card.
And certainly, those banks and financial institutions, with their legions of well-paid analysts and economic forecasters, would never do anything that would put me or anyone else at financial risk.
Would they?
I thought not!
Welcome to my little slice of utopia. But please, put on these rose-colored glasses to protect yourself from the glare or reality which can be so darn ugly these days.
Scripps Interactive Newspapers Group
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