I have these suggestions typed and pasted on my book shelf. I do try to read them at least once a week to remind myself of the rules for listening. This week, I thought I would share them with you.
I. Look at your attitude
1. Show the person that you accept them as they are.
2. Show them by your actions that you are not defensive.
3. Try to see their problem through their eyes.
4. Do your best to avoid evaluating their statements.
5. Do your best to avoid challenging (even to yourself) what they say.
II. Be attentive
1. To the way the person looks and acts.
2. To their mannerisms.
3. To their face. Let the person see they have your complete attention and interest.
III. Develop your listening skills
1. When listening, try not to let your mind wander or get lost in your own thoughts. This is easier said than done because whenever someone else is speaking, your own internal communication process is stimulated. Overcoming this habit is a matter that requires intense practice.
2. Become aware of the person's feeling words and repetitions.
3. Try not to "get ahead of yourself" through overindulgence in your own internal communications.
4. Reflect back to the person your own understanding of what the person is saying, then ask for verification. Capture and re-phase what they said.
5. Summarize their thoughts as accurately as possible.
IV. Reflect feelings
1. Let the person know you understand and accept their feelings by reflecting them back whether they have been expressed explicitly or are implied.
2. Note areas of particularly strong feelings.
3. Your own feelings are used only to help the person clarify and accept their own feelings as okay.
V. Do your best to avoid:
1. Asking challenging and threatening questions. People are nudged toward acceptance and hope.
2. Interpreting words or feelings to your satisfaction.
3. Giving advice.
4. Showing pity.
5. Belittling, ridiculing or arguing.
Those are my words of wisdom. Well, not mine, but someone's. Have a good week and pray for our nation.
Scripps Interactive Newspapers Group
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